31st Dec Goodbye 2008

It is the end of the year again. Once again its time for us to do some soul searching and reflections about what we have done (or not done) in the past year.

Breastfeeding:

Time really flies and wait for no man. I still remember what happen on the 31st December 2007. My sister's old breast pump failed on me as well. =p I wonder if it is coincident or it is just my fault some where. I had a big fight with hubby last year on this day. I was really frustrated that my pump is not working, it was coming 12midnight and i am feeling so engorged and the pain just make me blew my top. And when he didn't really express his concern to me, that triggered my automated bomb. I think he would never understand the pain and the difficulties i encountered during my breastfeeding days. (Even after so long now, he still don't understand)

1 year later, today, I am hand expressing my milk because my pump failed on me too but this time is different. I have decided to stop breast feeding. 16 months of exclusively expressing milk for Ryann is a journey i am very proud about. I was expecting myself to stop after 6 months.But i never regretted having breast fed Ryann even after so many times of suffering from mastitis with high fever, crack nipples and pain.

In 2009, i bid goodbye to mastitis, crack nipples and pain.

Work and Family:

2008 have been a trying year for me. Being a FTWM, coping with family and work is really not easy. With my new designation at work, it became even harder for me to handle both at the same time. Lucky hubby does house work for me.

As i was exclusively pumping milk for Ryann, during family days, we cannot afford to go out for too long as i need to go back to pump milk. Alot of our plans were affected because i need to go home to express milk. I know sometimes it can be such a spoilsport that we cant go to places hubby wanted to go because of this reason.

In 2008, we lost some love ones. I lost a friend, James. We lost our loved one, our granny.

In 2009, I want to plan outings for our family to many places which we couldn't go due to time constrain. Treasure my loved ones and love them like it is going to be the last day on earth.

Health

Due to breastfeeding, i lost quite a lot of weight after pregnancy but it seems that the weight will be coming back soon if i don't start going back to my full exercise routine. Used to exercise 4 times a week before pregnancy but now barely 2 times a week. Usually need to rush back home to fetch Ryann. Sometimes due to work, i hardly got time to even take my lunch break. Which of course is unhealthy. With an additional branch at thomson plaza under my care in 2009, i bet it is going to be worse. But i really must do something. Just by thinking of starting exercise doesn't get me anywhere near to my target.

In 2009, I will plan to exercise at least 2 times a week and slowly increase to 3 times. I will start teaching aerobics back again so that i get paid while exercising. Isn't that a great way to motivate me to lose some weight? =p

Ryann's development

From a tiny weeny little baby (Alright.. not very tiny i know, Ryann is a whooping 3.55kg baby.) to a toddler who like to walk or run on his own without holding our hands. From a little baby who will just quietly look into my eyes when i hug him in my arms to a toddler who refuse to stay still.

Ryann's milestone was also a wonderful journey for both of us. From how to bath him, how to change his diapers, how to tell what Ryann wants through his cries, how to intro him to solid food, how to wean him off his pacifier and many more which is too long to mention.

In 2008, Ryann fell sick for a couple of times, mostly due to his allergies thus it will always affect his nose and throat. Hopefully things will get better in 2009.

This photo was taken in dec 2007.

And this in Dec 2008. Great difference isn't it?

Naughty Ryann trying to bite daddy's hand because his gums are real itch.

I haven really done much over these 15 months and thus in 2009, I am hoping to be able to teach more things to Ryann, read, sing and expose him to as many things as possible. Hopefully this will help with his speech.

2008 is over and time to welcome 2009.

Happy New Year!

29th Dec Fingers trembling away

As i am typing now, my fingers were trembling away. And the main reason why my fingers are trembling away is because i hand express my milk just now. Yes you guess it right, my stupid pump failed on me again.

I think it is me. I don't know why this is the 2nd time my pump failed on me. Some people have been pumping for so long yet nothing happen to their pump. Maybe because i am pumping exclusively that is why the pump wear out faster. But i thought that shouldn't be the way. Haiz... maybe i am just plain unlucky or just plain jinx. Bad luck has fallen upon me and it always happen during year end i realized.

I guess i can only accept the fate and use this few days to cut the supply to zero since i dun have my pump anymore. Hand expressing is so tedious. I don't understand how Josephine can hand express 800ml every time. My breast is hurting with bruises and my fingers are feeling the cramp. And the amount i hand express cant even get 1 feed now. =(

Some updates about Ryann.

This morning Hubby was trying to find the remote control of our SCV and only to realize that it is missing from the living room. We last used it at night yesterday after Ryann had fallen asleep.
Searched high and low for it only to find it on Ryann's bed. This means Ryann woke up in the middle of the night, walked out of the room to the living room, grab the remote control and surprisingly manage to walk back to his own bed to sleep and all these done in the dark. Time to close the doors at night already.

Today, Sis was feeding Rhys bread at mum's place and when Ryann saw that, he quickly ran to sis and said 'mum mum mum mum mum mum'. Sis told him to call 'Yi Yi' then she will give him the bread but he started dancing for her instead since he didn't know how to call yi yi yet. So cute.

Nowadays really hard time getting Ryann to sleep. Need to war with him every night. Phew... Time for some rest.... and get ready for tomorrow.

27th Dec Make a guess!

Lets play guessing game! Make a guess, what causes these marks?

Clearer view? Any idea?

Not rashes for sure....

Not mosquito bites too....

Nope, i didnt meet up with a vampire... =p

Answer is.............

.........................

...............

.......

Ryann bite me!!!!!!

All because he is teething! He is a late bloomer, tooth fairy just visited him not long ago. 4 top ones grew at the same time. No wonder he gets all itch and started giving me 'love bites'. And you bet it was real painful. I guess from the red marks you can tell how much strength he used to bite me and i believe the marks are here to stay for a while. These pictures were taken 12 hours after the biting incident and the marks are still red. He tried that on mum and of course he get scolding and 'beating' from mum too which ended with cries and more cries.

Ryann have been real playful nowadays. But although he is not talking much yet, he uses his own way to communicate with us. Take for instance when he wants milk at mum's place. He will grab the cushion he always lay on and put it at the right place, get in to the right position and wait for his milk to be ready. And if we don't respond to it, he will start whining to get your attention. Sometimes he will hold your hands and drag you to the kitchen or the place he wants to go.
When he wants to go out, he will grab his shoes and give it to you so that you can wear it for him.
When he wants to bath, he will grab his towel and walk towards the shower room. Before you know it, he is already in the shower room waiting for you.

Whenever he wants to open a container or something, he will always try to achieve it himself first without help. If he cant manage himself, he will start to whine and pass the thing to you asking you to help him. Take for instance, just now he grabbed his TMX Elmo and started pressing the buttons. But there was no response because the batteries were flat already. He kept pressing but there was no response.Thus,he grabbed Elmo again and passed it to hubby. Hubby kept Elmo aside and walked towards the store room to grab some batteries. Ryann must be thinking that Hubby ignored his request and he started crying. When Elmo became alive again after the change of batteries, Ryann's eyes shine again.

I was looking at some of the pictures when he was still a baby only to realize that he had grew up so much. And yes, i am a proud mummy and I thank God for giving me Ryann. I thank God for giving me the wisdom and patience i need to handle Ryann and the endurance to breastfeed Ryann till now. As i bid 2008 goodbye, i am also bidding goodbye to my breastfeeding days. I suffered from mastitis for many times throughout this period of almost 16 months. In less then 1 month from the last visit (30 Nov 2008) to the doctors for mastitis, here i am suffering from the pain and fever again. Guess it is really time for me to bid goodbye to breastfeeding days. All the pain i suffered this almost 16 months is all worth it and i am really glad i hang on for so long.

25th Dec Naughty Ryann refuse to sleep

It is pretty hard to make Ryann sleep nowadays. Even in the day time, he is quite reluctant to sleep. Put him in the sarong, his eyes still wide open and when he saw his smelly pillow he went all excited. We usually dun give him his smelly pillow during nap time so when i refuse to give him, he started making noise and tried all ways just to irritate me and make me give in.
And yes, in the end i lost the war. Cos it was almost 12pm and he is still not sleeping. He cry, sai nai and kick to get his way. I am starting to sense the terror 2 prelude coming. Maybe i should not even give in at all hor. I am usually quite head strong with my stand but i dunno why i gave in.

At night was worse, he usually can sleep on his own in his own bed. But he refuse to sleep this time and kept siting up, standing up, walking out of the room go to his library grab Lu Lu in the dark. For N number of times, i have to grab him back to bed. And when i scolded him, he started crying to gain daddy's attention and act so poor thing so that daddy can let him sleep in sarong. Of cos i didnt allow him to sleep in sarong cos it might become a habit. End up he just row himself on his bed until he feel tired and fell asleep.

This little one is getting naughtier as days comes by. I pray that i would have the patience and wisdom to be able to handle him

24th Dec Christmas dinner at home

Been busy for the past few days teaching and training. 2009 is going to be a very challenging year for me and i will really have to plan very well in terms of time, expenses and work.

Today we had party with my staff in Bugis and we were practically eating all the way.

My in law family with the uncles and aunties came along as well for dinner at my home. Brought Grandpa along so that he wont be too bored at home.
We had great food from famous nasi briyani from tekka, 2 pizzas, home made salad, 2 roasted chicken with special stuffings, Sakae sushi which took us 3 hours to collect, Ham, bean curd tart and durian Log cake.

Ryann enjoyed himself playing with them. But he was staring at Luca (SIL's huge dog). Luca grew so much. He is now taller then Ryann already.

Cute little Ryann have been naughty as usual. He like to carry his Elmo bag which was obviously too big for him. He like to walk to the room, grab his towel and walk to the toilet himself just to tell you he want to bath. Not sure if i hear him right but i thought i heard him say "Jiak" (in teochew) when he want to eat. He is still not talking normally but in his own baby language. I hope to hear him call ma ma soon.

21st Dec Ryann's first school bag

I have recently just joined an online spree for a remote control car. It is a camo army car. Ryann loves it. This naughty boy will climb up the car play with the steering wheel and the horns then come down. This 'up and down the car' process kept repeating itself. And when hubby control the car to move, he is not scare at all. The funny thing is, Rhys was the one who got scare when the car moves. I would think both of them will start fighting with each other on who to play with the car like they always fight for toys.

SIL brought an Elmo bag for Ryann. Small little back pack but i doubt Ryann would want to carry that. Most likely is mummy going to carry it. Lucky she didnt buy Barney if not i sure headache. Must make myself carry the 'purple gay dino' out. =p

Brought Grand pa out to pray to granny and lunch at TPY swimming complex. Our all time favourite taiwan porridge relocated there from Oasis. After which we brought him for a walk in the park and saw this cute little turtle climbing the trees. Caught it on camera. What a sight.

20th Dec Signing up for GUG suntec 2pm sunday class

Finally we sign GUG for Ryann to try for 1 term. Was procrastinating for quite some time. Trio's classes was my first choice actually but their timing doesn't suit me at all.

Initially i was really tempted not to sign for both since Ryann is going to start playgroup in Mar next year. But since GUG's 1 term is from Jan - Feb. Why not send him there to try out first?

They gave a GUG bag in er.... not so nice colour =p And a list of how to teach Zoophonics.

Will share Zoo phonics details soon.

Going to buy a bag for Ryann to bring to school. Maybe an Elmo bag will be good. =p

19th Dec New bed sheet for Ryann

Went to fetch Ryann back from my mum's place. Usually i will ask him to wear his shoes and walk home. But today when i ask him where is his shoe shoe? He went over to his stroller, climb up and sit on the stroller waiting for us to belt him up. Smart boy, he know got stroller means no need walk home = no need shoe.

Since we are not going to celebrate CNY, might as well change the bedsheets to the new one we brought some time back.

Brand new baby blue Wall- E bedsheet for Ryann.

Funny thing is this boy doesnt recognise his bed anymore after the change and he didnt dare to go down from my bed at first. He sat on my bed and look at his unfamiliar bed color.
Finally he went down on one leg first, test the stability of the bed, then the other leg and started dancing on the spot. I think he is trying to test the bed.... BTH.

Ryann is always the 'medicine' to help me destress.

17th Dec Ryann's updates recently

some pictures over the 2 weeks....

Family pic with extended family from my mother side at my cousins wedding

Pics with Ryann and hubby
Qin mei zu ma cousins. We were always in pairs last time.

Gals power...

This is the face every time Ryann will make whenever we scold him. See his face like that so funny, i dun think i am angry anymore.

Cute litte Ryann.

Learning to hold a pen. He seems to use his left hand more often but both me and hubby are right handed....

Enjoying his rocking giraffe ride.

Just to share, Tooth fairy gave Ryann a christmas gift... His 2 front teeth. =p Finally i saw something white coming out from his front gums.

Ryann loves going out recently. When i say gai gai wear shoe shoe... he will take his shoes and pass them to me to wear for him. His little feet grew abit and thus we were looking for shoes for him. He will cry if we take his shoes off whenever we were just trying if the shoe fits him.

He was also caught playing with Hubby's psp. With his fingers at the right place still....

Ryann never fail to spice up my tired day.

16th Dec Finally every thing is over

A very tiring and long week we had. From daily visiting to woodlands to cousin's wedding to granny's funeral. Finally we had all things settled and i am going back to work tomorrow.

Just some short updates, will post pics later on.
Before granny pass away, I managed to attend 2 weddings. First was Ray and Clarisse. My colleagues from Amore fitness. They were both aerobics instructors and Clarisse took the Kickboxing instructor course together with me. We didn't expect both to be together and get married eventually but i guess Love is unpredictable.

My 'Qin mei zu ma' cousin finally got married with his girlfriend Valerie on the 9th of Dec too. We had a great time. At the same time, it was Uncle Lawrence's birthday. Will show some pics later.

Granny pass away in her sleep on Wednesday 10th Dec in the afternoon. I was still planning to visit her after work that day. The last time i visited her was on Friday. Sat and Sun i went for wedding dinner. Monday and Tuesday Ryann was having fever and thus I didn't visit her. I really regretted not doing so.

When i reached Woodlands. All i saw was her cold body. Her face no longer have the rosy and chubby cheeks. Her face all sunken in and she really don't look like her anymore. Tears filled our eyes. Everyone tried to act as normal as we could but still the pain just filled the house. Grandpa cried as well but he is a man of little words. We all know he must be feeling really sad. While waiting for the doctor to come, more uncles, aunties and cousins came along. All weep at the sight of granny. We know we should be happy that finally granny is not suffering anymore but still no words can describe the pain of losing someone so close.

The next few days was busy at the wake. As hubby is the eldest grandson, we will need to be involved in all the rituals performed together with my father in law. We were also really busy serving all those relatives and friends who came to pay respect at the wake. The wake was grand and filled with lots of relatives and friends. The altar was filled with flowers send by some friends and business associates.

On the last day of the wake. the band came and started playing some songs, we started to be teary already. All of us were weeping silently. It was raining a little but we still proceed to send granny the last journey out of the block. As we walk together along the streets, we just weep uncontrollably. We hold on to each other and just cry out loud. Grand pa was crying too but because chinese believe that husband or parents cannot be present during their wife or children's cremation, he was left behind with the maid at home.

Cremation process was really peaceful unlike before. All we had was a viewing room and an automated moving machine. Xiao Gu, Heng yi (Youngest Cousin) and Sister in law broke down.

We went to collect her ashes the next day and its all over just like that. We are only left with a box of ashes. We will never get to see granny again unless in our dreams. As I write now, tears filled my eyes. We will miss granny always. I miss the cute granny who was biting her drumstick and asking me why am i giving her a angbao (It was her 80th birthday just recently) I miss the granny who was playing with Ryann in the hospital. I miss granny who asked hubby if he had finish NS when hubby is already 30 years old. I miss granny when her eyes just brighten up at the sight of durians just like a child seeing ice creams or sweets.

In Loving Memory of Granny/Ryann's Great Grand Granny Nov 1927 - Dec 2008

More Ryann's update tomorrow. Need to rest already... Super tired week.

Will blog from next week onwards

A number of friends asked me how come i have not be blogging these few days. I usually blog almost everyday.

Have been travelling to and fro bugis, woodlands and punggol everyday to visit granny in law.

She passed away peacefully on wednesday. Thus i would not be able to blog till next week after all the issues at the wake are settled.

Wake will be at Block 839 Woodlands st 82. Will leave for Mandai on Sunday 2pm.

Thanks for all the concerns.Hubby and family are doing fine.

2th Dec Ryann's prevnar jab and our sad woodlands visit.

Brought Ryann to PD for Prevnar jab today. Ryann cried badly during the jab. It must be painful. Ryann is 10.8kg and 78 - 79cm tall (he was practically struggling to break free thus not sure if it is 78 or 79) I have checked with doc Tan over certain issues.

Ryann does not maintain eye contact regularly with us. Doc Tan said so far as she talks Ryann is looking at her so shouldn't be a problem. Ryann must at least responds to 3 main things such as bye bye, high 5 and clap hands which Ryann knows but he only does that when he is in mood.
Regarding MMR, she said that i can have a choice to delay it latest by 2 yrs old. Thus I am going to do just that.
As for his milestones, Doc Tan wants us to read through the health booklet and try to encourage and teach Ryann those items stated in the health booklet for 15 months to 18 months.
But she did mention that boys are usually slower then girls.

We made a trip down to Granny's house at Woodlands this evening. Almost all the relatives turn up today, Granny is very weak and may leave us anytime. She do not have the strength to talk or move anymore. She lost her ability to swallow too thus she is not allowed to drink or eat at all. High fever above 39 degrees constantly and never came down. Her whole face is red and her body is burning hot. She have to rely on the oxygen machine to assist her with the breathing. We couldn't do anything except to keep sponging her to try to bring the temperature down. From 7 plus to 11pm, I didn't stop sponging her but her temperature remained at 39 degrees.

The elders started asking for our Chinese name to be written down for the Obituary. Photo have been chosen. We started choosing her favourite clothes to be wore on her. We already cut the pockets of the pants. We have all materially prepared for the worse but frankly speaking, our hearts are not ready yet.

Pain still linger in our hearts. Tears still row in our eyes. 'Er Gu' couldn't take it but to cry out. Some weap silently. It is painful no doubt but to make it worse is when we know she is feeling terrible but we couldn't do anything about it. Of cos grand pa must be the person who feel the pain the most. They were married for more then 60 years. They were so loving to each other. On my ROM, grandpa was even wiping granny's sweat. They were the most loving old couple i have even seen. I dun even see that in my own family.

Although, I am only with this family for about 3.5 years. But I still feel for her just like my own granny. Her friendly smile and her occasional blur look is still clear in my mind but i no longer see them anymore.

As we tried to wipe her clean and change into one of her favourite top, we could feel the body heat. Her body is all swollen due to water retention and that causes her arms to feel like there are water bags in them. As we turn her over, we could literally feel the smell of the heat from his back. Her sores on her buttocks were bleeding. We changed her bandage and diapers. Wipe her clean and apply powder.

Sometimes, i really wonder if we are ready to face death or not. This long process of dying seems like never ending. Time passes so slowly. It is painful for her and also painful for her love ones. I always thought it would be better if she lessen her pain but going off smoothly and faster. But some one told me before. To us, we experience pain of losing 1 person in our life. But to her, she lost every one. All i hope is she will go with no misery and pain. And i hope grandpa will be able to take it well.

30th Nov Ryann fell down and got himself bruises on his cheeks

I was in the toilet when suddenly i heard Ryann's cries and my hubby's running footstep. I knew Ryann had fell from his cries. I run out from the toilet and saw Ryann's cheek with a red patch.From his cries, I think he fell quite hard this time Immediately, i can see the blue black bruise surface on his cheek. Hubby must have been watching tv and didn't realize Ryann had wandered into the room. Poor Ryann.

Poor Mummy too. Woke up with aches on my left anterior deltoids and was feverish. Went to see doctor and i was shivering really badly then. 38.5 degrees. Mastitis again. This is the 3rd time i got mastitis through out my breast feeding journey and i hate it. Body aches, feverish, shivers and drop in supply. Doc advice me to stop breast feeding. Since i am already planning to stop before CNY, should i just take this opportunity to stop then? Well, i really don't know if i should or not. I guess over the 14.5 months of breastfeeding, it became a routine in my life already. Thus i have mixed feelings over stopping breast feeding. Lets see how it goes since i have 2 more months to go before CNY.

Caught Ryann dancing while watching Elmo's world. Video downsized thus not so clear.