13th Sept - 17th Sept Mummie couldn't type at all

For the past few days, i felt so handicapped.

Other then a high fever which i had for 3 days, I had few small tiny ulcers in my mouth.Initially i was still trying to tell myself, maybe Dr Yeo made a wrong diagnosis. It could be just throat infection and plain heatiness that i have got ulcers since i didnt have any blisters or rash on my limbs and legs. FAT HOPE. My first blister that grew to the size of almost 1 cm appeared on my right middle finger. Then more "Friends" came to visit him. And soon my whole hand were filled with blisters, in fact all over my fingers.My poor feet was worse. I couldn't walk at all as my sole of my feet were filled of blisters. Red,big and fierce looking blisters. It looked more like burnt marks rather then hfmd marks.

Ryann is having his first growth spurt after his 1st birthday. Previously, we always have problems with feeding him milk as he will always want to play after finishing about 100ml. A bottle of milk will always have to split into 2-3 times in order for him to finish up. Even for cereals, when he refuse to eat, his mouth will be closed tight and no matter how we try to feed him, he will not give in. Strong character baby. Well now, He still make noise, but he make noise because he wants more. His current appetite shocked me but I am very happy about it.

These few days, I couldn't handle Ryann at all because those blisters gave me too much pain to deal with. Thank God for Hubby who took leave to war with Ryann. But I am glad he handled him well. I was still quite worried at first but i think this HFMD saga make our family relationship and bond alot more stronger then before. Although in between there were still some small issues but Daddy did a great job for both of us. But Ryann certainly drain both of us dry will climbing up to our TV console, climbing up to our sofa, trying to squeeze through his stack of new toys he got for his birthday. NO MORE BUGGY for Ryann! He received total of 4 buggy rides! However, he manage to walk around pretty well by pushing some of the rides around. He received lots of shape sorter too. But Ryann ended up playing with his old one still.

Sometimes, i really wonder why Ryann just don't listen to us? Everytime, we tell him NO, he couldn't be bothered with us. After so many times of NO, so many times of smacking his hand, he still don't get it. There is just so many things he don't know. I have to admit he is rather slow in learning things. He haven even learn how to stand properly because he is just so hyper active. Not to say learn how to walk. He still don't know how to recognise alot of things. In fact, i put the blame on myself. With my limited time with Ryann, we hardly have time to teach him. Flash cards were like white elephant because by the time we reached home, Ryann already lose interest and concentration to learn as it is near his sleeping time. Thus after much consideration, i have decided to send Ryann to some classes. At least he get to learn something there, rather then staying at home not learning anything. Will be going for trial class very soon.

These few days at home are painful yet fruitful days because alot of things were in my thoughts and i felt that i learn a couple of things in motherhood.

12th Sept Happy birthday Ryann

Today is Ryann's birthday. Time flies. The day i gave birth to Ryann seems like yesterday only. Now Ryann is 1 year old. Poor Ryann cannot go anywhere on his birthday. Mummy and Daddy will compensate you next time.

Last night had high fever. This morning my whole body ache like i just ran 42km marathon. Went to see Dr Yeo. My fever was 39.5 degrees. No wonder i had fainting spells. He said i got hfmd as well. Haiz. 4d also not so accurate lor! But anyway, i expected it also. Cos before i went to see doc Yeo, my mouth already had red spots and i had sore throat last night. So i sense it coming.

I guess i might have got it in the hospital. As during that time, Ryann is just so clingy on to me. I had to give him as much comfort as i can to relieve his pain. So even if i got hfmd now, i am not a little upset at all. It is all worth it.

Ryann is getting better. Most of his spots are all dried up. Now i have a bigger issue. After Ryann gets well, who to look after him since i am not well yet. Although if it is a similar strain of virus, Ryann prolly wont get it again but still i do not want to take the risk.

Another bad news is Rhys also got hfmd. So sad, he is suppose to celebrate his birthday tomorrow. So sorry Sis. I didn't want it to happen too.
Hopefully Alfie is going to be ok too.

Pray hard. God Please hear my prayers! Hope my sister and brother in law and most importantly my parents wont get it too. Cause it is so painful to have hfmd. i couldn't eat at all. Today i only had a few mouths of porridge and 1 pc of slice fish cos couldn't swallow at all. Now so hungry! Blisters started to show on my hands too. ouch!

11th Sept Ryann's new milestone

Spent the whole day with Ryann. Ryann is so sticky today. Was practically whining for attention during the day. Spent a bit of play time with his shape sorter so i tried to teach him red square, purple triangle, blue circle and yellow star. When i ask him which one is red square, amazingly he is able to get it right for me. But tricks shouldn't be tested too often as it will soon not work. Soon Ryann started to ignore me and started playing with other things.

I start to teach him to put the square into the correct place and to try to fit it in the shape sorter. After a few tries and help, he manage to put in more and as i encourage him to do more, he started to respond better. Of cos his attention span is not long but it is a good start.

While pumping milk, Ryann started to whine and want me to carry him. So i distract him to tap the tummy of Lu Lu the spider. What i did was to sing the song. "Tap my little tummy and you'll see, i will spin the alphabet from A to Z." After a bit of hesitation, Ryann crawl to Lu Lu the spider and tap its tummy and came back. =p so happy.

Its been so long since Ryann ask for more milk after feeding, today is the special day. His last feed at night at about 10pm, I heat up 100ml EBM and he finished it and cried for more. As i do not have enough EBM to supply Ryann, I gave him 2 scp of FM and mix to 60 ml. He finished it and cry for more. So i ended up doing another 1 more scp of FM with 30ml. Hopefully he will be like that always.

At night, i started feeling unwell. Not sure if i have gotten the virus as well. Gonna sleep early today. Pray hard!

8th Sept - 10 sept Camping at KKH

Nightmare had begun.

Ryann had rashes on his back thus i brought him to Dr Tan immediately that morning. And the bad news came. Ryann had 4 ulcers at the back of his throat and rashes breaking out on his back and limbs. Dr Tan said it is hand foot mouth disease.

My heart stopped a minute and i wasn't thinking. How could it happen to Ryann? I was really careful with going out with Ryann and i didn't even bring him out for the past week! I didn't know what i was thinking at that time. All i could think of is, "Am i losing Ryann?" My heart ache so much. Now i understand what is called unlucky! Being so cautious and trying to avoid and minimise exposure to hfmd is useless when you are unlucky. After coming out of the clinic, my tears started to flow. All i wanted was to hug Ryann and cry.

Went on the Internet and google about hfmd. Luckily Ryann was still drinking well. Was just telling some of my friends that luckily Ryann is still feeding well, the next thing Ryann rejected food in the evening already. Really jinx myself. Why cant i just shut up! Ryann was crying persistently and nothing could calm him down. He vomited 2 times and that got me even worried and i started screaming at hubby to pack his bag and go KK and ended up scolding him for taking a top that Ryann can no longer fit. Ryann was crying even louder. I guess at that moment of time, i am just a useless mother who cant help my own son. There was practically nothing i could do to relieve his pain in his mouth.

Went straight to KKH. The journey there, i cried all the way with Ryann in my arms. Ryann exhausted himself with his cries and fell sleep on the way there. While waiting for Ryann's turn, Corrine called and ask me some questions about hfmd rash and said that angel had a bit of rash on her hands. That really scare me and i am so worried Ryann might spread to angel. That is the last thing i ever want to happen. I told myself why am i such a jinx? I lost friendships which i treasured the last time Ryann was sick.Till now, the pain of losing those friends are still there. I do not wish to lose Corrine too. At that moment of time, I told myself if Angel got it. I am going to disappear in the motherhood forum forever and never to meet up with any mummies forever since i am born such a jinx. OR maybe i should really go away. I cried uncontrollably after i hang up the phone. Every one was just staring at me in the A&E department.

Doc said that Ryann had more then 10 ulcers in his throat and because he is not feeding well, he need to be warded. Felt so worried. I prayed to God to relieve his pain and cure him. Warded into Isolation ward 31 bed 26. Poor Ryann couldn't sleep. Mum, Xiao Gu and SIL came to visit him. I was really upset and i didn't want any visitors as i do not want any of my love ones to get hfmd as well. It will only hurt me further. I hugged Ryann to sleep and as Ryann was dozing off, My tears kept flowing and flowing. They just kept quiet and let me cry.

The ward doctor tried to insert the needle for the drip for Ryann but couldn't locate the veins. Ryann was crying so badly. It hurt me even further to hear him cry. Finally manage to insert the drip. I went into the room and saw Ryann staring at me like he is asking me:"Mummy, why did you leave me here with them and let them hurt me with the needle?" So poor thing. Hubby and I slept overnight with Ryann. Ryann was running a temperature. Luckily, the panadol helped to relieve his pain and Ryann manage to sleep for a while.

The next day, Ryann was feeling better already although at times he is still very cranky. Hubby was real detail this time, he brought along Ryann's favourite book and DVD player with Ryann's favourite sesame street vcd and music cartoons. I am so thankful for hubby. With out him, i think i wouldn't be able to pull through. He took care of Ryann at night so that i could get enough rest to pump milk. And he let me sleep on the bed while he slept on the chair. I thank God for him. Ryann was able to climb up and down the cot and play with us in the afternoon. Manage to drink 150, 160,150 and 100ml for that day. But he pulled the drip out. He was practically moving every where and got the tube tangled around him for a couple of times. But this naughty boy start to whine and cry at the sight of any nurse or doctors. Haiz....

Ryann's rashes got worse but doctor said that it could be viral infection or chicken pox as usually hfmd doesn't have rashes on the back and face. But because Ryann had mouth ulcers, they will still label it as hfmd. Did a few test but wasn't told of the results. Ryann's rashes came on and off for a couple of times which was unusual but could also means that his antibodies are fighting the virus.

Finally, today, Ryann managed to get clearance from the doctors to be discharge back home to rest. still need to quarantine him for a week but at least i am relieved that he is recovering. Sad... We are going to miss Rhys birthday again! First birthday, i having confinement, 2nd birthday, i am quarantined. Sign...

Thanks to all the nice doctors and nurses from ward 31 KKH.

Thru out the period of time, Hubby and i had close contact with Ryann despite knowing it will spread to us. I guess this is what is called unconditioned love. I think God is trying to tell me that He gave us unconditioned love too. It is ok if i got the virus from Ryann. As long as i can give comfort to Ryann, even if it may cost me my life. On 12th Sept 2007 7.46pm, I gave birth to Ryann. I gave him a life. From that moment of time, nothing matters more then Ryann's life. Now i really understand what is called mother's unconditioned love.

7th Sept BBQ and the start of my nightmare

Last night Ryann was crying so badly that mum had to let him sleep on her body. Think he play too much le, too stimulated. Poor boy. Rhys was crying badly at home too. The 2 brothers played too much during the party.

BBQ night. Brought Kimmy along to white sands to buy things from NTUC. Was abit worried that there might not be enough food for the gals tonight. End up only 4 came. Frankly speaking, i am really pissed. I thought that was basic courtesy to at least give me a msg to tell me that you couldn't make it. Then at least i do not need to cater extra food. To think i went to buy extra chicken wings and satay for them. This is going to be the last time i am doing such event for the Bugis junction girls. Next time, count me out for any gatherings. Ended up bring back some much food.

Ryann started running a slight temperature in the night. Thus mum brought him back home first and i decided to check out that very night to go home to tend to Ryann. That marks the beginning of my nightmare.

6th Sept Ryann's birthday celebration!

Phew... Yes!!!! The party is finally here and granny in law is going to come later! Was just worried for the past week that anything might just happen to her. This could most likely be the last Ryann's birthday party that she can attend. Of cos i hope there would be more but however Doctor said that she may just go anytime. Look at how Ryann was smiling to his great grand mother that day. That was the first time i see him react this way towards her.

Final touch up of all the decors. Wanted to bring Ryann for a swim actually but was really too tired to do so. Some of my decor outside were ruined due to the strong wind and rain the night before. So me and hubby tried all ways to re-do them again. Towards noon, Mum came with sis, BIL and Rhys. They went for a swim. Sis borrowed her school's DSLR camera to take pictures of Ryann. So nice of her. Auntie came along with Hazel and Kimmy. Rhys went ahead for a swim. Rhys is just so cute in this picture. So is a happy baby too.

Then soon, things started to arrive. Mr Chan came with the 2 agar agar. Thanks to Mr and Mrs Chan for rushing the agar agar for me. So nice of them. The taste was great!

Gregfio and Serene's hubby arrived at the same time. MY gosh! I underestimate the number of helium balloons. The bunch of balloons were so huge! even the mylars were huge. I have got 40 helium latex balloons and 9 mylar balloons. Then i got real busy trying to get the weight done for doing the mylar bouquet myself. But i ended up with many helium balloons left still. So decided to give away to the kids later. Didn't had time to take pictures of the rest of the balloons. Hopefully sis took some. I loved the singing balloon. I brought that balloon home and the rest i gave them away.

Cake arrived. One of the figurine was placed at a weird position on the lower tier. The lower tier have 2 figurines on the left and 4 on the right with one of the elmo back facing the front of the cake. I asked the delivery guy, he gave me a super lame answer saying that the Elmo is placed like that with the intention like he is looking at the upper tier! Lame! He didn't even know which direction is the front of the cake. I shifted the figurine to the left and ended up having a uneven mark on the fresh cream. Then the fresh cream of the cake was not evenly spread and thus i could still see the chocolate inside from the front of the cake. When i was about to cut the cake, I got sis to help me with the placing of the Icings and flowers. Following the holes which the baker used to guide me with the placing, i realize that she just merely poke along the lines but did not measure the distance needed for the words and thus i need to shift some of the figurines to make way for the wordings. Luckily we manage to cover some of the holes and it is only visible when you look at the cake closely. Overall, the cake tasted great and my guests loved it. Some even had 2nd helping. All my guest were like so amazed and so many of them took out their camera and started clicking away on the agar agar and cake.

Neo garden set up was there early. Nice set up but was quite disappointed with them as i instructed them to split my bean curd and vegetable into 2 buffet trays so that i have 2 buffet spread rows but they didn't. Some of my guest ended up only eating the vegetables but not the bean curd. But for the first time i ordered, the food was all finished! Leaving behind fried rice and bee hoon. I personally think Neo garden portion is really lesser then before. But lucky most of the guest were still quite please with the food.

The goodie bag was a disappointment! the cubes i brought from the party shop broke into pieces. So embarrassing. And some of the elmo stationary i brought from the net cracked too. The stickers doesn't stick! So disappointed and sorry to all those kids. =(

The most happiest thing that could had happen on that day was Ryann clapping his hands happily for the FIRST TIME! For the first time i see Ryann clapping his hands in the afternoon while we sing the birthday song to him. All the hard work is worth it just to see his smile on his face.

More pictures to come soon........

4th Sept - 5th sept Preps for Ryann's first birthday party

** Read on..I am backdating the blog entries... There is so much to write about my roller coaster ride just within one week**

4th Sept:

Manage to meet up with Lim to collect the badges. I am so satisfied with the badges. All thanks to him for rushing the design out and specially delivered it to me to bugis despite him being so busy for his opening of his new store. Hubby said some of the guest were practically asking for all designs!

Manage to collect the family tees on time too. Plain but was quite happy that finally i have got the tees done. But alot of guest thought my tee was a little bit too big for me. From the pictures, i thought i look preggy.... that is so sad isn't it?

Went back home to pack my stuff and realize that we have so many bags of things to bring along. Thus decided to leave Ryann with mum while we go check in and clean up the place first. Ryann's milestone not even done yet... Stress.....

5th Sept Check in the Chalet.

We brought total of 4 bags on our first trip down to the chalet and another few more bags on our 2nd trip down.

Aloha Loyang is huge. Our unit was strategically located just in front of the babies pool. Only setback is, it is really old. The walls were very dirty and stained with tapes and the place sure look old. Did an inventory check and clean up a little before heading back home to fetch Ryann and to express my milk.

Decided to move the mattress down to the floor so that Ryann will not fall from the bed. After much coaxing, finally he fell asleep and we can start doing our decor.Sister in law came later in the night to assist us with the decor. I continued Ryann's milestone after they left till 3.30am. So tired but seeing the end result, everything is worth it.

Brought sesame street decors from the Internet and forum. Cost me a bomb =(

DIY Ryann's foam decor... spend nights doing it. draw cut and paste! Phew.....

Balloons along the stair way. sesame street theme colors.

Sesame street backdrop

Sesame street theme color streamers

Final product of the milestone

Goodie bag for kids

Finally slept at 4.30am.... What a fruitful day.

3rd Sept counting down already

Recently too busy to blog, rush the tshirts, badges and balloons. but felt that i should pen this down.

When we returned home today from mum's place, Ryann was holding the keys to the house. This naughty boy refuse to give me the keys back to open the door. No matter how many times i tell him to give me or please, he just refuse. So naughty lor. I cannot take it. But the happy thing is. He knows how to open the gate. He knows where to slide his hands in and pull. He also know where to press on the main door to open although he do not have the strength to open still. He will hold the whole bunch of keys and just anyhow poke.Haiz.. want to laugh or cry? =p

Last few days was really stressful, SIL called me to inform me that Hubby's Granny might leave us anytime. Feel so upset over this. First because we have not been visiting her as much as we want to. Have been scheduled to work on certain Sundays. Second, If granny is gone, grandpa might leave too cos they are forever so loving. Third, Ryann's party is this sat, if anything happen to her, our party will be cancelled. Even not cancelled, the buffet and the cake will definitely have balance left. Lets just pray hard that nothing will happen and she will be able to enjoy herself in the party. seeing her great grand son Ryann.

I am so excited. The party is just this Saturday. have got my loots from one mummy on the decors already. balloons arrive but was really disappointed and angry with the organizer. i still contemplating to pass the Mylars to serene cos is much cheaper since i have so many Mylars. Mmmmmm... Lots of things to make decision.

31st Aug Tired Ryann

Rush to 118 this morning, only to realize diaper oss. kopitiam super packed.
Ryann today very tired. 9plus he doze off in his stroller. First time so early lor. Think last night he didnt sleep well. Brought the goodie bag at 3 pkts for $5. Then saw another type and i brought another 2 pkt again just in case it didnt fit. Should have brought the smallest too. Then can put the magnets inside. Did a sample pack, realize that the babies bag quite empty. Haiz... Buy more things tomorrow.

Reach home then bath Ryann, feed him milk then let him sleep. He real tired lor. Slept again. Luckily we reach home early, after that was raining cats and dogs.

Rush down to Blue's place for Jordan's party. Missed the cake cutting ceremony cause we were late. But luckily still manage to reach there. Ryann cried the moment we reach there. Only warmed up after he started playing on his favourite pooh ride. Its a pity we cant find for him to play.

Went home to pump milk. Let Ryann sleep, less then 5 minutes in sarong, he sleep again. So tired today. Woke up at 6 plus then we head down to East coast for Shania's Party.
All of them already there. The kids are all grown up. So long never see them le. Ever since we all have our own kids, we didnt really meet up much. Miss those days when we go party and stay over night at fang's place. Time flies. From only Qiwen with 2 kids then Ting with 1 kid. Then Fang and hun got preggy together then they got married then 1 year later, fang and hun got preggy again but this time round with me as the new addition. Now our kids are all 1 year old already. When we have our own kids, we start to distance apart but however we know we still be there for each other at point of needs. Although we have been through ups and downs, but i wouldn't be me with out them. Ryann wouldn't be here without their support.
So Thanks Eggies. Friends forever. Fang, Hun, Wen and Ting

30th Aug Busy Busy Busy

Have not been actively updating cause i am too busy with the bday party. So many things undone. Phew.....

Ryann fell down 2 times today cos he keep climbing up and down and cruise every where and making a mess in the house. Hopefully there will be improvement with his standing and walking skills.

To Do list for Ryann's party.

• Order food - scheduled tuesday latest.
• Waiting for PG's reply and draft for my cake --> Drafting in progress Final confirmation mail send.
• Waiting for Balloons to arrive
• Waiting for soft copies to process the invitation cards and Magnet -- Processed and done for invites. Magnets submitted and processing.
• Need to buy goodie bags (done)
• Develop Ryann's milestone pictures (done but realize pictures too big!! i need a digital photo frame!!!!!)
• To complete Ryann's birthday Decor (completed!!)