2th June Ryann so sweet today

Today went to fetch Rhys from school. Went to hawker centre, Ryann as usual keep moving around. mummy fed him zhui kueh. Ryann ate quite abit. Ryann also love bao. =p Today carried him in the sling and he behaved well throughout the bus trip. Resting on my body, so sweet and it melted my heart. I love him alot. More then i love myself. And i felt guilty that he was being left at mum's place last night. He woke up at 1 am and couldn't fall asleep. Mum even tried sarong for 2 hours until 3 am. Poor Ryann suffer whenever mummy and daddy quarrel. Heart so pain. Sorry Baby. Mum refuse to take care of Ryann at night, so no choice.

Last time i always advice my gal frens dun stay in a relationship for the sake of the children be cos it is not healthy to let the child live in a family with lots of quarrels and fights. I dun understand why they still want to live in such life. I ever told them that they only live once and childhood is only once. Don't let the child suffer for what we adults did. But now i totally understand how they felt. Hoping the relationship will turn better. Hoping their babies will have a complete home. Seeing the innocent children, whose heart will still be so heartless to let the child be living in a single parent home.

I am a dreamer by nature. A detail dreamer. quite contradicting at times but that is really me. I dream about happy things that i hope will happen in our family. But on the other hand, because i am too detail, i have too many concerns about whether this thing will come true. I start to be cautious. Being careful is me. What ever i do, there is always "what if". Yet i still want to dream. I wish i know how to let go. But i guess it is very hard. I am too head strong. I am too head strong to admit that i am very hurt. Too headstrong to tell him that i am very tired about all these issues. Too headstrong to tell him i miss those times we were so loving together. Too headstrong to tell him that the moment he teared for me during my labour was the most touching and loving moment i had with him.Too headstrong to tell him i love him still. Too headstrong to tell him all my heartfelt feelings.

Thanks to Vone,Bena and Corrine who listen to my complains.
Thanks to Vone who listen to me when i need to let out my deepest feelings. I cried as i type. Those tears are so genuine. Those tears are my love for this family. If only he knew.