25th July Ryann woke me up at 5am

Ryann woke up at 5am standing from his bed to hit me on my face to wake me up! Poor boy must be teething he keep whining and whining. Poor mummy too cos mummy is like zombie at work.

Something that should not be in Ryann's blog but need a place to let go.

Father have not been well recently. Super bad mood. Keep scolding people and scolding vulgarities. Hopefully the kids dun learn from them. Their rate of learning can be super fast lor. Like last time, father was in his room. Wanting to come out. he scream "Ooi!" next thing you know, Rhys start to "Ooi" too. I keep telling father stop screaming as it is really frustrating to hear him scream and curse and swear. He keep saying he want to go home. But he is at home ma! Then keep saying why we torture him. We are so black hearted (Hei xin) torture him on the bed and torture him on the chair (his wheel chair). Saying make him sit so small corner of the chair. Then realize he already slide to the side of the chair. He is not comfortable so i shifted his position. He keep saying want to die. Ask us to kill him. It just hurts us so much. For the past weeks he have not been sleeping at night. He scream at night, saying his body is burning and keep wanting to drink water. If we don't give him, he will throw his temper and say we heartless don't want to give him water. But not that we don't want to give him. He just drank a cup of kopi. His empty cup is still warm, he will ask for another one saying that we did not give him at all. When we tell him that the cup is still there, he will say this cup is not his and it was there since yesterday. Haiz. I cant bear to let him go but i also cant bear to let him suffer like that. Maybe when he die, he will be free from pain and misery. But maybe he will suffer more pain after death. I don't know but i certainly don't wish to see him like that.