18th July Positive parenting

Today, we had dinner at compass point when a lady who was sitting a distance away from our table caught my attention.

She was scolding her elder daughter who looks the most like 4 years old. That seems to be a common scene in any normal shopping mall but what she said shocked me. She was so loud saying in mandarin:” You don't have brains is it? Say so many times you don't understand! You no brains huh?"

That comment of hers hit me real hard. I will feel really hurt if I hear that from my mum. But at the same time I can understand how the mummy feels. Some times, the kids can really drive us to the wall. I started to recall how many times I have lost my cool over Ryann when he just simply doesn’t listen to instructions. Of cos I don't do that in public but now that I am standing outside the picture, I felt so hurt for the child.

This incident gave me a revelation. When we are angry, we got to really be tactful with our words. As parents, our words are extremely powerful. Words that we use can affect the self-esteem of the child greatly.

"A torn jacket is soon mended, but harsh words bruise the heart of a child." - Longfellow

This is totally true. Sometimes we cant help by saying things like "Why you so naughty today?" or "Naughty boy, no one loves a naughty boy.” We might just meant to discipline but those words might mean differently to a child.

Not long after, I hear that lady shout again:"你不要害我烫伤!" Repeatedly, I hear that for at least 4 times. "你不要害我!" may give the child the feeling that, whatever she does may cause harm to others.

Just to quote you an example. When I got my PSLE results, my mum wasn't very happy with my results and reprimanded me in front of my schoolmates. I could still remember I scored 1 A* 2 As and 1 B. But just because my elder sister got 4 As, she scolded me for not putting enough effort to get better results and she started comparing my sister's grades with mine. That was when I was 12 years old. Today, 16 years later now, I can still remember what she had said to me. And this is how much it had impacted my life.

This had taught me to be more tactful with my words when I am handling Ryann as what we say can really impact their mindset and their life. Loving environment is extremely important to nurture his unique set of special qualities. I believe all mummies will agree with me.

I wonder what will happen when Ryann grows up. I bet I will be like that mummy too, screaming at my top of the voice. Haha. Must start praying for patience. =D